true friendship is LIGHT

 I am currently wiping my eyes and blowing my nose from all the waterworks that just transpired. 

A friend that I thought was long gone, out of my life . . . not from a fall out, but more so from lives separating and going off on different journeys.

I was in pure shock when my phone rang today at 1:10pm CST. It was a video call, even more shocking. After the dry HI from my side, he began to speak his peace: 

I'M SORRY... 

In the midst of his moment of apology, I heard him, but I guess the shock of this moment only allowed for me to see his beautiful face, remembering who he's always been to me . . .  WARMTH, HONEST LOVE

. . . 

We all battle with who we are and who we're trying to impress. 

We all come to that place of distancing ourselves from those we didn't have the capacity for .  . . at that time. 

We all need TIME. 

We all need FORGIVENESS.

We all need SUPPORT.

We all need LOVE. 

My friend . . . 

the one I cut off because I was in battle . . . with my own feelings and personal life struggles. 

My friend . . . 

IS 

MY FRIEND, not because he apologized for the time that passed from our last encounter nor the on and off relationship, we've had for the past 5 years . . . 

but HE IS MY FRIEND because he forgave me, he held space for me, he cherished our past time together and shared: 

I AM LIGHT.

I brought him light. "You're teaching is so spiritual./You are in me when I dance."

He is my friend because he saw my flaws, knows my struggles, understands the battle . . . 

BUT 

chooses to see MY LIGHT! 

Who chooses to see your light?

~ deeply out ❤

…inspired by Xavier Velasquez (XEO) 

HOW?

How do you keep yourself going, when you've failed so many times? 

How do you tell yourself you're capable when everyone tells you you're . . . 'not a good fit.' 

How do you believe in your worth, when your worth hasn't proven to be worthy? 

How do you start over in a place where you know you shouldn't be? 

How do you ask and receive no answers? 

How do you fight for yourself, but end up alone? 

How do you manage to keep a smile on your face when all you want to do is cry? 

How do you believe in yourself, in the midst of heartache? 

How do you continue to wish for things that have never happened? 

How do you prove 'them' wrong, when you haven't done the right things? 

How do you persevere when you're tired of the hustle?

How do you love when you feel unloved? 

How do you live, when you feel like you're dying . . . inside? 

How do you wake up and tell yourself you'll make it? 

How do you hit rock bottom, then rise again? 

How do you tell yourself that you're good enough when others don't think you are?

 

How do you know what to do, when you don't know what to do? 

How?

 Can you answer any of these questions for me? 

  ~deeply out ❤

MEDICINE FOR YOUR SOUL!

Joy Oladokun is medicine for your soul! 

~ deeply ❤

things CHANGED . . .

". . . to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." 

I remember when we last sat down face to face; we met up at a bar. We talked about the challenges I faced in LA; you were my family.

I remember when you took my classes and how much fun I had with you. I watched a video the other day; you were my bluebird

I remember when I created, like really created .  . . not giving a fuck about anyone else, just wanting to share this bomb ass choreo with my classes.

I remember when we reconnected last year and my heart mended itself. I had hope. Then you gave me a job and a role and it made me feel important. You watched the things that I did and we joked via iPhone. I remembered when you trusted me; I remember when you believed in my teaching. 

I remember when I slept at your house (your mom's house) all the way out south and I watched you get up in the morning and work on your craft. I was so inspired. I remember when you taught me about music and how you moved with calculation, very strong in your beliefs as an artist, as a vegan, as a Muslim.

I remember when you would heat up your tea 'a hundred times'  the warmth I felt when you would hug me . . . 

I remember that you would call me on my birthday each year .  . . 

I remember our check-ins . . . you believed in me as a teacher. 

I remember when I first met you; I instantly fell in love.

I remember when you cried when I went off to college. 

I remember when you were valedictorian and I was there for your graduation. 

I remember when we sat in the park that night and you cried because you were scared. I remember when you told me that you loved me.

I remember when they would come to my classes every week when I built a strong following . . . when I had respect in my community. I remember when they liked me.

I remember when you made me feel safe.

I remember . . . 

. . . 

These are moments & people from parts of my life, that I remember and I could probably list a ton more . . . 

The things we remember, the things that stand out in our minds. Why is that? Why do we remember some things and forget others. Why do these moments make us happy, but also make us sad? Why did things have to change? We ask ourselves how did I change? When did I change? 

Then . . . you sit in silence and breathe through the pain, those relationships that are presently gone. You wanna go back 10 years and redo those relationships, but... you also wonder if they think of you. 

What life shows us over and over again is that things CHANGE and there is nothing we can do about it. Everyone makes their own decisions. Everyone has and is experiencing life in ways we're not privy to. Everyone fights their own battles. Everyone you meet IS for a reason? Everything happens for a reason???

Unfortunately, we are less likely to find those answers. . . 

Things CHANGED, so what now? How do you move forward and cherish the good times?

Here's my only suggestion:

with TEARS, REFLECTION & ACCEPTANCE

HEALING the things that have CHANGED is all a process . . .