Nope. I'm not busy.

>>>Writer's Note: this entry is specifically for my and your friends lol<<<

What could we replace the word BUSY with?

The reason I ask is because BUSY just seems to be the go-to word or "I'm busy" is the go-to phrase of the year! Every year. All the time. At any given moment.

Sometimes, I really believe that I'm the only one on the planet that doesn't believe in the word BUSY or the phrase I'M BUSY. 

Really? 

Is it just me?

Yes. I think so.

Most get "mad" at me when I say things like this. 

Why? 

. . . because they truly believe it's a thing.

Here's what I believe . . . 

WE ALL MAKE TIME FOR WHAT WE WANT

unless, you fall into these categories lol

• you have screaming children wrecking havoc in your home
• a needy newborn
• an elderly parent(s) you look after
• you're a caretaker
• you teach other peoples kids, then go home to your own
• you're taking a Self Care day . . . in which you can schedule another time btw

umm, that's about all the categories for now lol 

Look at it this way . . . 

CEOs/Presidents/Directors/Heads/Leads/Managers/Choreographers, etc - can even be less "busy" . . . why? They can delegate, hire assistants and interns. If you want or need to have your hands in everything - that's a choice people. Get where I'm going with this?

If you are a freelancer/artist . . . you know you make your own schedule. Yes, you can have a more intense schedule from time to time or become so heavily immersed in your art, BUT you do/can stop to eat or shit! (oops!) 

Scenario #986

Are you single?

No children?

Have a 9-5?

You reallllllly have some time because you CHOOSE to go take yoga (whatever's your thing), go out to eat/cook dinner, or watch netflix with a glass of wine after a work day . . . get the point?

Moral to the story . . . I read this on my friend's IG page: 

"When someone tells you they are too busy . . . It's not a reflection of their schedule, It's a reflection of your spot on their schedule." BOOM! (mic drop)

This is truth in thee dopest way. 

So, you know what I try to do . . . 

Never ever tell anyone

I'm Busy. . . because I'm not. smh 

side note. Yeah, It is just me: 

I'm single.

No children.

No family.

No job. 

I'm a freelancer . . . I have all thee time in the world!

HIRE ME. marry me. google me. 

I'm not busy. 

FYI - the above things are not by choice. LOL

~ deeply out 💣

SELFISHLY seeking...

...everyday I learn more and more how important it is to be selfish;  I never wanted to be that “type of person.” 

I always wanted to show up for others, to support the ones I have/always had maaaaad love for...sending little messages, giving shoutouts, reaching out when they least expect it, etc BUT...you (I) begin to ask yourself (myself) these questions: 

• What is wanting this connection. . . with this person really about? 
• Are you really getting what you need from these relationships? 
• Do they value you enough to respond, to follow up, to give of their time? Or do they forget about you...more often than not? 
• Do they understand your time, your support? 
• Is the “wanting to be involved so much,” the need to feel valuable...worth the “invaluable” invalidation, heartbreak . . . you often feel deep inside? 

My personal expectations of people are always at an all time high, especially in my personal relationships/friendships/mentorships. 

We all have them though . . . conscious or unconscious expectations. Which leaves me to my last question. . . Are your (my) expectations, the need to feel our (my) own void(s)?

for me

yes

• • •

As I take some time for deep reflection today...I hope you can step out of “busy” for just a moment and think about >>> those relationships and support <<< that you haven’t given enough or as much time to. 

~ moving deeply 🔳

DAY & NIGHT REALITY

it's worst in morning

it comes and goes

it's still

it's dark 

opened windows

the sun - daylight

the moon at night

the feeling same

the feeling fright

the day seems long

no song clicked on

just silence

silence 

this is the song

no need to call, reach out to one

alone you sit

without a gun

the heavy thoughts that cloud your view

make many people point at you

the peek of day

"I made it to . . . "

another hour, another skew 

no energy to fill the day

no scheduling

no "heard me say"

back to day and back to night

they are the same 

when there's no light

day

is calm and sometimes stale

you cry, you walk, you nap, you yell

night

concludes the time from day

with wonder how

the color's gray

day

brings thoughts of dis-inclusion

night seems like a mere illusion 

did the day turn into night?

or did you walk in gray sunlight?

that in-between 

that not so there

that where is she?

wait, is she there?

afraid to come out and play

she has no one

they do not stay