Are you a PROBLEM or are you a PERSON?

 Ask yourself . . . 

Do 'they' see me as a problem or do 'they' see me as a person?

You may be asking why does it even matter how they view you? Let me tell you that IT MATTERS . . . because YOU MATTER. 

As much as we want to ignore or act as if others' perceptions don't affect us . . . sometimes it does. And the first step in practicing: MINDFULNESS is to acknowledge how we are feeling right?

I'm not a therapist but AM a teacher, who always wants her students to embrace who they are. So I'm sharing with you that if you don't feel like you can always be your authentic self, then you may not be in a safe space, to be a PERSON . . . a human being, who's flawed, but who continues growing every day. 

I would say that you become a "problem," when you aren't aware of yourself when you are not mindful and you don't hold yourself accountable. 

Yes, some situations hurt more than others and trigger us to respond in ways that are unlike our true selves . . . but at the end of the day, do you forgive and forget, or just forgive, or just move on. In my eyes, the latter is the most detrimental because it shows a lack of acknowledgment; there are 2 sides to every story, right? 

And just to be fair . . . let's just answer the initial question: Are you a problem or are you a person? Here's my answer: 

You are a PERSON, a human being who deserves to be loved, accepted, respected, and empathized with. We all have a back story, but are you willing to share yours? Are you willing to forgive your problems?

~ deeply out ❤

SEEN

It's so interesting how much constant experiences of trauma can effect your psyche. From my last encounter, I've started to notice how the smallest things make me fearful or cause me to get irritated. For example, why would sending and receiving emails scare me? 

Because 

the last experiences have been: feeling ignored, invaluble, WRONG, and honestly . . . unloved. And I'm not talking about the quick email bites like following up with someone or spam, or email lists you need to unsucribe from . . . but the emails you've sent to people you either loved or to people you shared your voice with, having to state your case and speak up for yourself.

I'm scared to check my emails. This is not ok. How do you heal from something like that? By blocking, deleting? 

I used to tell myself that I held onto emails, texts and pictures because I was a 'memory hoarder,' but it's actually because It's my evidence . . . that I tried. 

I've read this book called Welcome Home by Najwa Zebian, that shares how we become homeless when we look to find our homes in other people. Within this context it means that I'm always looking at myself as being unlovable and unworthy because that's how IIIIIIIIIIII allowed people to make me feel. It's not that I can't be hurt or feel the pain, but it's that I've given every single person who has "given up on me," the power to define who I am - for me. 

All this to say, trauma is not always physical. My trauma has always be psychological. The fear of checking my emails and merely walking from my seclusion (apt) to the train station, makes me feel seen; Trauma makes you not want to be seen.

When I send an email, I'm seen.

When I walk outside, I'm seen.

When I'm on social media, where people can find my profiles, I'm seen. 

When I go to work, I'm seen. 

Because of trauma . . . I don't want to be seen. 

~ deeply out ❤

#mentalhealthawareness

true friendship is LIGHT

 I am currently wiping my eyes and blowing my nose from all the waterworks that just transpired. 

A friend that I thought was long gone, out of my life . . . not from a fall out, but more so from lives separating and going off on different journeys.

I was in pure shock when my phone rang today at 1:10pm CST. It was a video call, even more shocking. After the dry HI from my side, he began to speak his peace: 

I'M SORRY... 

In the midst of his moment of apology, I heard him, but I guess the shock of this moment only allowed for me to see his beautiful face, remembering who he's always been to me . . .  WARMTH, HONEST LOVE

. . . 

We all battle with who we are and who we're trying to impress. 

We all come to that place of distancing ourselves from those we didn't have the capacity for .  . . at that time. 

We all need TIME. 

We all need FORGIVENESS.

We all need SUPPORT.

We all need LOVE. 

My friend . . . 

the one I cut off because I was in battle . . . with my own feelings and personal life struggles. 

My friend . . . 

IS 

MY FRIEND, not because he apologized for the time that passed from our last encounter nor the on and off relationship, we've had for the past 5 years . . . 

but HE IS MY FRIEND because he forgave me, he held space for me, he cherished our past time together and shared: 

I AM LIGHT.

I brought him light. "You're teaching is so spiritual./You are in me when I dance."

He is my friend because he saw my flaws, knows my struggles, understands the battle . . . 

BUT 

chooses to see MY LIGHT! 

Who chooses to see your light?

~ deeply out ❤

…inspired by Xavier Velasquez (XEO)