SIT WITH IT

 I never understood why people gave up on their passions. Why people stopped posting, stopped showing up . . . when they said: 'I haven't (fill in the blank) in years!' 

As a teacher, I would kinda dismiss those comments and feelings, say that it didn't matter how long it's been. My classes required a lot. I expected a lot. I was living in my own bubble for a while. SMH I just went day to day, project to project, rehearsal to rehearsal, creating in my small bedrooms, and then excited to share with my students. However . . . 

In the space that I'm currently in, I've truly realized how people could fade away, how people could remove themselves from their community, how people could start to live different lives entirely. Saying to yourself. . . 

I used to be someone . . . important.

When life becomes unbearable and shifts in ways that you never imagined, you feel yourself fighting everyone and everything, more importantly, fighting for yourself . . . alone.  You become stuck. You grow distant. You cut people off because you feel triggered or threatened in thinking they aren't for you, you're overly conscious of your own safety. You start to lose yourself, despite "friends" and supporters telling you how much you changed their life, despite how they tell you that - you have a purpose, despite trying to convince yourself that you do have a purpose; Despite...

other             people's          faith        in        you

...

I now know that your past or current traumas can heavily influence the path you're on. And as much as you know that you should be more productive, sometimes you just can't. 

Even with experiencing FOMO, you become numb in believing in your own value, in understanding what to do in this moment. Fear of moving forward, understanding your invisibility. Asking yourself if your voice really matters. ???

Its also the decision if you should be visible elsewhere . . . social media and amongst the community you grew up in. Pretty much hiding away in plain sight, but really physically hiding away. 

To all those people I dismissed when they said: I haven't done (fill in the blank) in years . . . Forgive me, I now understand. 

...

The quote below resonated with me the other day and I'd like to share it with you:

"Grief wasn't done with me. . . You gotta take time to feel it all. Don't let it chase you. Sit with it. Listen to it. Respect it. It's the only way to survive it." ~ Remy: Queen Sugar, S1

#sitwithit

~deeply out ❤

NOSTALGIA

I often wonder what headspace I was in when I created different pieces.

Why did I make those choices?

Who or what was inspiring me to be and to dance at my highest level?

Then...

the question becomes, how did I lose these things?

What was the change'?

When did it happen?

Why did it happen?

Is it still possible that - that person is still within me?

Or am I supposed to accept the fact that I'm older and I just don't move like that anymore? Not from a physicality standpoint, but from a "who's body was I in?" I didn't know that I could even move like that.

So where is this all coming from?

NOSTALGIA (sounds like a stylish social influencer lol)

Yup! I did the thing that you're not supposed to do. 

Look backward.

But I did. 

so sorry :(

And what pray tell happened? There was an awwwww, but there was also a WHOA! Damn you were good!

Then, I got into my head and asked more questions . . . 

Did I leave LA too soon? Could all the negative experiences I'm currently going thru and have been through in the past few years, been avoided if I just fought it out a little bit longer. If I just stayed and had fun in the sun and allowed the warm weather and conscious hikes to change me? (Because the sun makes us happy right?) Warm weather makes us less cranky, esp when it's that nice warm weather, with the cool breeze and you're not sweating through your fit. 

This question comes up again . . . Are we supposed to go back? I asked this in a previous entry. Is my life more together than it was back then? Or should I go back? 

Why?

Because judging from those videos, I was for damn sure, slimmer, highly creative and put out lots of work, more than I'm doing right now.

So what is this entry about?

NOSTALGIA, our longing and affection for the past & the many questions that come along with it. 

How do you handle NOSTALGIA?

Well . . . I think it's best to ask yourself certain questions, to find out more about who you are. And looking back at times isn't always so bad. 

Take those good memories, inspiring memories, and just SMILE for a moment. 

~deeply out ❤

· · ·

Heres's some Joy Oladokun Music for you to get through some nostalgia :)

Here's your MIDDAY MEDICINE! :)

If you need a midday pick up, Joy Oladokun is the person who will help you! 

This album is pure medicine for your soul!

 

~

~ deeply ❤